How Others See Me

People feel important when they're with you because you always seem to understand their point of view. You are considered warm and outgoing because you know how to draw people out and you're thought of as someone with an unparalleled ability to deal with the public. However, because you want others' approval, you tend to go along with what they want--and this sometimes makes you look wimpy. To some people, you also appear vain and overly concerned with your appearance. You're regarded as a real go-getter. People trust you to handle any job. They think of you as a person who can analyze almost any problem in a logical way. Others come to you when they want their own actions explained to them, or are feeling confused about relationships. You are valued for your ability to set priorities and to create order out of confusion. Because you're both discriminating and truthful, people trust your judgment on books, theater, and clothes. However, you don't wear your heart on your sleeve, and as a result others often picture you as haughty and cold. Your upbeat, magnetic personality pulls people toward you--you bring excitement into their lives. They envy your aggressiveness in meeting a challenge. Whatever the problem, you give the impression that you have an answer ready. You're also admired for your honesty; you don't gloss over difficulties. What people don't like is your tendency toward bossiness and your deserved reputation for being sharp-tongued. They're afraid to cross you in an argument because they know you can cut them to the quick. People like your sense of humor and your buoyant presence. No matter what goes wrong, you're ready with an upbeat explanation and forecast for the future. You're also the first to volunteer help; colleagues and friends appreciate your willingness to do favors. People like your frankness, although sometimes they think you can be too frank and that you put your foot in your mouth too often. To some you seem fickle and undependable, perhaps a bit too detached emotionally. In general, you're viewed as an unpredictable, independent spirit. You're often seen as an irresistible force and an immovable object. People put you in charge because you’re decisive--you're famous for having a great sense of realism. When others need a rational head in a crisis, they call on you. In personal relationships, some friends will stand in line to unload their problems on you; others avoid you because they think your outlook is too downbeat. Everyone agrees that it's difficult to divert you from your course when you've set a goal. Some people feel that in order to find the real you they have to strip away layers of secrecy, but most understand that your aloofness stems from a deep sense of personal privacy. Those in your circle think of you as a den mother--the one who tries to fix other people's problems and make sure everyone is happy. They like your concern for their well being and cherish your wise counsel. But why, even if they follow your advice, do they keep it a secret from you? Because they think you're controlling and don't want to be a puppet on your string. They also think you're moody. One minute you seem to care about them, and the next you're crabby and to be avoided at all costs. In your career, you're viewed as someone who can quickly spot an opportunity for financial gain. Everyone thinks you are his or her special friend, that they have your undivided attention. You're thought of as solicitous and concerned. You're also known as a sparkling social presence--witty, vivacious, and always interested in new activities. People consider you artistic and somewhat bohemian, and are impressed by your psychic sensibility. They value you as a confidant but, oddly, the more people lean on you, the weaker they think you are.

Right or Left

I think about death
But I want to live
Hoping love and happiness will save the day
Feeling like am living in the wrong time
Now I can't help it
Maybe its fate
Or insanity
Maybe its god?
Maybe its nature?
Or just my humanity?
Feeling lost
Like there's nothing here for me
I feel it a lot
All this pain deep inside
My heart throbs so much in anger
How can I live with so much hate?
Maybe am a mistake
I shouldn't be alive
I shouldn't be here
What do I do to make things better?
Say nothing
It can't be explained
In any sensible way
Right or left
Left or right
It always depends on what side your on
To figure it out
Is on the left or right from you?
It is day or night just now?
Or would that depend on what side of the world your on?

By, Synthia Jimenez

Letter for Two Loves

Dear my love, my husband to be;
My heart carries a burden now
For the crimes I commit
I must tell you before I decide to pass judgment on myself
For the consequences that I fear may take me to feel
That my only choice is this
I must die
I mustn't ever allow myself to come this close to hurting those I love
I ask myself this hourly now
I must take my life
Who cares if am weak or punished for it
How do I carry around the fact of the matter is
I think my feelings have carried me away with another
I fear that I mustn't allow myself near
Yet I fear I can't do that
Yet what's worse is that I disappointed you
I don't know if these emotions have begun in a time that I do not fully remember
I just know that in that time whence I was ill
And my mind unraveled
I didn't know if I wanted to live and
You brought me back from the dead
And I took my breath for the first time
But before that what I can't remember
I am starting too
I feel humbled and pained
With a well of intense emotion
How do I begin to say these words these thoughts?
How do I put them to use?
How do I even speak them?

Dear this mysterious love,
Is it love?
I feel that it is,
I remember that I pushed you away
I remember that it was for the best
I remember that I wasn't to care for you from their.
O I shouldn't have kissed you back
O I should have just ran and hide
I should stay away
That is my better instinct
My other instinct is to carry with these ironic twisted emotions
To figure this out
I fear that if I do it would change too much
Have I felt this way before, "yes"
But I negected it for the better,
I suppose you may want a better reason than that
I was ill as you know
And I was more willing to die than live or stay in an ill minded state
I never wanted to give love a chance to tear me apart again as it has done before
Too many ill-fated loves, too many tears, too much heartache
I not longer can bear it.
Too much that I must fight and doubt
And question everything
This insecurity in me
Is like a disease
That am trying to kill for my husband to be
Won't have to deal with my sudden outburst
Because of this little fear that turns me torrid
Now am a disloyal whore
Who's wavering heart is in a battle with my best efforts to make this die...
And die fast


By, Synthia C. Jimenez

Emotions and Intensity

In this hollow empty shell that is my body
Where emotions well up inside
Where my heart is always running in a constant motion
Where I can't make sense of my thoughts or feelings
Where I find myself still in enamored by my current love.
Yet, than why do I find myself this way also for another.
One thing I know for sure that with my current this love we shared is returned.
I only am asking myself;
Did I always feel this way for this other?
Was it already in set, just that I didn't know it until now?
Or is it just lonely desires to fullfill my unfulfillment; my discontent.
Or is it just that am an easily seduced person,
In which case it is not love it is simply lust.
Which case, this would be a first for myself.
In which case, why wasn't it established.
Why wasn't I told?
This must be a cruel world to leave me so questioning these intense emotions.
This intensity sufforcates my heart.
My chest feeling tight.
My body hot, and this all invigors my curoisity.
Only to wish I have known of this before hand.
I can only ask myself why fall in love.
O, I despise falling out of myself.
I despise not knowing about these things
I dispise my lack of self-control.
I must refrain... I must, I must!
O if not!
Than woe it be to my heart's suffering.
My minds unwinding.
My memories a blurr
My body is weak as so am I.

By, Synthia C. Jimenez

Jocye Maynard

One of my favorite authors.... I want to be a writer too, but not yet experienced or inspired to finish my work....

Joyce Maynard first came to national attention with the publication of her New York Times cover story, “An Eighteen Year Old Looks Back on Life”, in 1973, when she was a freshman at Yale. Since then, she has been a reporter and columnist for The New York Times, a contributor to the CBS program “Spectrum”, a syndicated newspaper columnist whose “Domestic Affairs” column appeared in over fifty papers nationwide, a regular contributor to NPR and national magazines including O, The Oprah Magazine, Newsweek, The New York Times Magazine, Forbes, Salon, San Francisco Magazine, USA Weekly and many more. She has appeared on Good Morning America, the Today program, CNN, Chris Matthews’ Hard Ball, Charlie Rose, and (on radio) on Fresh Air.

Author of eight books, including the novel To Die For (in which she also plays the role of Nicole Kidman’s attorney) and the best-selling memoir, At Home in the World, Maynard makes her home in Mill Valley, California. Her novel, The Usual Rules — a story about surviving loss — has been a favorite of book club audiences of all ages, and was chosen one of the ten best books for young readers for 2003. Her latest work, Internal Combustion: The Story of a Marriage and a Murder in the Motor City, was published in fall, 2006.

Mother of three grown children, she makes her home in Mill Valley, California, and Lake Atitlan, Guatemala, where, in addition to pursuing her own work, she also runs writing worshops. She serves on the faculty of the Stonecoast M.F.A Writing Program, based in Maine.

Got this information on http://www.JoyceMaynard.com

Psychological need and Mythology of Libra

• My psychological need is to create harmony and balance, and i experience this through sex, death, and other people's resources.

Libra: The Egyptian Maat, the deity responsible for truth and justice, was said to weigh the heart of the deceased person to measure its purity. In Greek mythology Themis turns up again and again in similar roles. She was one of the twelve Titans, and it was her role to regulate moral and physical order in the world. Her children included the seasons, legislation, justice (Dike), and the Fates. She protected the just and punished the wicked. Both Maat and Themis held the scales and thus represented balance.

The sign of Libra occurs at the autumn equinox, when the Sun moves from north declination to south at the beginning of the fall season. There is a sense of balance at this time of the year, when the harvest is gathered and people offer thanks. The social aspect of this sign is seen in community and partnerships of all kinds.