Emotions and Intensity

In this hollow empty shell that is my body
Where emotions well up inside
Where my heart is always running in a constant motion
Where I can't make sense of my thoughts or feelings
Where I find myself still in enamored by my current love.
Yet, than why do I find myself this way also for another.
One thing I know for sure that with my current this love we shared is returned.
I only am asking myself;
Did I always feel this way for this other?
Was it already in set, just that I didn't know it until now?
Or is it just lonely desires to fullfill my unfulfillment; my discontent.
Or is it just that am an easily seduced person,
In which case it is not love it is simply lust.
Which case, this would be a first for myself.
In which case, why wasn't it established.
Why wasn't I told?
This must be a cruel world to leave me so questioning these intense emotions.
This intensity sufforcates my heart.
My chest feeling tight.
My body hot, and this all invigors my curoisity.
Only to wish I have known of this before hand.
I can only ask myself why fall in love.
O, I despise falling out of myself.
I despise not knowing about these things
I dispise my lack of self-control.
I must refrain... I must, I must!
O if not!
Than woe it be to my heart's suffering.
My minds unwinding.
My memories a blurr
My body is weak as so am I.

By, Synthia C. Jimenez